Abesilisa baveza okubacikayo othandweni

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THANDI ZONDI

 

 

UNHLOLANJA (February) yinyanga efika nomuzwa kaKhisimusi kwabaningi abathandanayo ngoba basuke belindele ukuphathwa kahle, baphiwe izipho benconywa kumbe bebongwa ngeqhaza labo empilweni yezinqandamathe zabo.
Abanye bakuveza kakhulu lokhu ngosuku lwezithandani olwaziwa ngeValentines Day olungomhla ka-14 kule nyanga kanti abanye uNhlolanja wonke bawusebenzisa ukukhwezela umlilo wothando kwabathandiweyo babo. Yize le nyanga kungeyona eyezithandani kuphela kodwa eyokutshengisa uthando jikelele emindenini, kubangani nakubo bonke abantu abaneqhaza elibalulekile empilweni yethu.
Namuhla sizobheka izinto ezimbalwa ezingenza abesifazane abasebudlelwaneni bangatholi ngisho iqabunga lamahhala ngenyanga yothando. Kunezinto ezibadinayo abesilisa, zibenze baluzwe luwukudla okunamatshe uthando kunokuthi lunambitheke. Nazi ezinye zazo:-

  • Ukucelwa imali
    Abesilisa bakhala ngokuthi uma owesifazane eke wangena ebudlelwaneni, into ehamba phambili kuyena kuba wukucela imali. Bathi buthi bungakafudumali kwabudlelwano lowbo owesifazane useshoda ngemali yerenti, ukudla nemali yokugibela. Bathi lokhu kwenza kube nzima ukubona ukuthi kuthandwa bona yini noma imali yabo. Abanye besifazane bayamshiya umuntu wesilisa ongafuni ukubapha imali, kubona kuyi-deal breaker lokhu. “Kangenqabile ukupha umuntu wami imali ngoba ngiyathanda anuke kahle futhi athenge akuhalelayo, kodwa mayingalindeleki nyanga zonke. Nami nginezidingo njengaye, futhi uma eyicela makube ngeyento ebalulekile,” kusho uSbusiso.

 

  • Ukunqaba neWOT (Women on Top) noma iWoza Ngaphezulu
    Inkonzo yasekamelweni ngenye yezinto eziqinisa ubudlelwano kodwa kuba nabesifazane abalindela ukuthi kube wumsebenzi wabesilisa ukubathokozisa, okwabo wukulala sengathi bakwi-coma.
    I-Woman On Top ngezinye zezitayela ezibajabulisayo abesilisa ngoba yilapho bekwazi ukubona ukuthi izinqandamathe zabo zijatshuliswa yini. Ngaphezu kwalokho, zenza owesifazane akwazi ukugculiseka ngendlela afisa ngayo, ajabulise nomuntu wakhe. Kunengxenye yabesifazane ecasukayo uma icelwa “iWoza Ngaphezulu” ngoba ikhala ngokugqilazeka nokunqena ukusebenza ekamelweni.

 

  • Ukuthandana kakusho ukugqokelana
    Umuzwa wothando ufikisela ngenkululeko ikakhulukazi uma izinto sezihambe zaze zafika lapho senazana khona, nihamba-ze. Nokho lokhu kakusho ukuthi sale usuzenzela ezintweni zothandana naye. Sikhulu isililo ngabesifazane abashiya amabele ezikibheni zezithandwa zabo. Ukwakheka kwabesifazane nabesilisa kakufani. Ngenxa yokuthi abesifazane banezindawo zokubambelela namabele, noma kanjani uma begqoka impahla yowesilisa lokho kusuke kuzowushintsha u-size noma ukuma kwaleyo mpahla yokugqoka. Ngebhadi izinto ezifana nezikibha zisala zinwebekile.

 

  • Ukugqoka izikibha zenhlangano uma kuyolalwa noma ukugqokisa okomtshuzi
    Abantu basilisa bayathanda ukugqokelwa ngendlela ezobenza bazizwe bebalulekile uma kuyolalwa. Kuvela ukuthi iningi labesifazane ligqoka libe ngamashubhu okwenza uma kufanele kudlalwe kube nzima ngenxa yezinto eziningi ezikhunyulwayo. Abanye kuthiwa basuke bazi ukuthi kuyongenwa enkonzweni kodwa bafune ukulala beyimishuqulu kanti ukulala unqunu kuyamkhuthaza uphathina wakho. “Mina ngichazwa nayilokhu abakugqokayo abesifazane, kuyakhuthaza. Ukudla kumele kubekwe ngendlela efanelekile ukuze kuhehe. Kodwa-ke ngiyazi amajita amaningi kawanendaba futhi kawabheki nokuthi umuntu ugqokeni, kasifani singabantu,” kusho uSthe.

 

  • Ukulingana ebudlelwaneni (50/50)
    Amanye amadoda kawayizwisisi le yokulingana ebudlelwaneni. Omuye ongathandanga kuvezwe igama lakhe, uthe: “Ngiyamthanda owesifazane owazi ukuthi u-50/50 owasemsebenzini kuphela. Ngingumuntu okukhonzile ukutotosa owesifazane engimthandayo, uma esezokhokha uma sizikhiphile ngizizwa ngiyisahluleki. Indoda idalelwe ukuba wumhlinzeki, kangithandi kushintshe lokho.”

 

  • Ukukhuluma safuthi
    Okuvelayo ngabanye bathi kabamthandi owesifazane ohlezi ekhuluma. Ukubhekana nalokhu abanye bathi uma ethetha owesifazane bayaphuma endlini bayoshaywa wumoya. “Kwesinye isikhathi siquliselwa izinto ezingekho, iqiniso nje abesifazane kabayesweli into abazosusa ngayo umsindo. Ungabona sekunempi ngokuthi kawulubambanga ucingo,” kusho uSipho.
    Nakuba kunjalo abanye baveza ukuthi bancamela ukuthethiswa. “Uma ungasenayo impempe eduze kwakho, kumele wazi ukuthi kawusafunwa. Intombazane ekuqulisayo iyakuthanda – mayingasasho lutho khohlwa ndoda seyihambile.”

 

  • Ukushiya amaphenti nezigcobo uma uvakashile
    Abanye besifazane uma beshiya izinto endlini yowesilisa kusuke kusho ukuzinikela kwabo ebudlelwaneni. Kungaba ama-pyjama, isixubho nokwangaphansi (underwear). Nokho abesilisa baveza ukuthi lo mkhuba kabawuthandi.
    “Uma uyintombi kusuke kusho ukuthi ukhona omunye futhi oyintombi ngoba kangikathathi – ngamanye amazwi ngisabheka. Manje uma ushiya izinto zakho usuke usuzongiqhatha nalo munye. Futhi-ke abantu besifazane bayathakathana bebodwa, uma ushiya izinto zakho bazokugila.”
    USbusiso uthi: “Kanginayo nencane inkinga nowesifazane oshiya izinto zakhe endlini. Kangilona uhlobo olukhonze ukudlala uma lusothandweni, ngiyakhululeka uma ngabe etshengisa ukungethemba ashiye okungokwakhe.”

 

  • Ukuncikiselelwa ngocansi
    Abesilisa bakhala ngabesifazane abafuna kujatshulwe ekamelweni uma kuthanda bona. Bathi abesifazane kwesinye isikhathi uma kube nokungezwani bayabancisha inkonzo. Bakhale ngokuthi banesilumo, kokunye bakhale ngokukhathala.
    “Uma engene embhedeni ne-tight ngisuke sengazi ukuthi ngeke kwenziwe lutho. Kwesinye isikhathi avele ehlise izitsha emakhabetheni ebusuku aqoqe. Uma kuthande yena ngimbona esengibambabamba,” kusho uSipho*.

UDkt Thabile Zwane weBlue Clinic, uthi kuyinto ejwayelekile lezi zinto abesilisa abakhala ngazo.
“Intombi kawuyeki ukuyeshela ngoba nakhu seyikuqomile, kumele ucubuze amagabade ngaso sonke isikhathi. Uma ufuna nibe nenkonzo yasekamelweni, kumele utshengise ngezenzo uvuka nje ekuseni,” esho.
Uthi ungathumela izimbali emsebenzini noma i-lunch, umthengele into ayithandayo, uthumele imiyalezo emnandi osukwini, uma nishadile uvolontiye ngokufika nesidlo sakusihlwa ukuze angakhathazwa yimisebenzi yasendlini.

  • Ukuqhathaniswa

Kabakufuni ukuqhathaniswa nabanye besilisa. Bathi lokhu kubenza bazizwe bengamadojeyana. Njengoba kuza iValentines Day nje, abanye bathi bayazi ukuthi bazofundekelwa ngamadoda enza kahle othandweni. “Inkinga wukuthi abanye bafuna senze okwenziwa ngosaziwayo (celebrity) kanti kasinamali. Mina ngizama okuncane ukujabulisa owami kodwa kwesinye isikhathi umbona esengitshengisa izithombe zama-couple ku-social media asuke eye kuma-beacation, kuvele kucace ukuthi kusamele ngisebenza kanzima ukuze ahlale ejabule,” kuphetha uSipho.

  • Ngokuzayo sizobheka okungathandwa ngabesifazane
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