AmaNgisi mawayeke ukutetema, agwinye itshe

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    NGOSIBA LUKA-REV MKHEKHELEZI

    UMA ngampela iyoke ibe khona ngelinye ilanga into okuthiwa yi-African Utopia – i-Afrika yoju nobisi – bekufanele AmaBhokobhoko abe yithoshi elisikhanyisela indlela ebheke kulesi simo. Niyezwa Bafana Bafana? Phela AmaBhokobhoko yiyona nto kuphela ebonakala iyisibusiso e-Afrika, okumele sonke kuleli lizwekazi siyeseke. Leli qembu lishaye iFrance, yanswininiza njengomdlwane onyathelwe yisidakwa ebesibibiyela kwasani olubekwa phambi kwaso. Wena wiskey, vodka, brandy, lager, cider ngisho nomqombothi imbala. Nginesiqiniseko sokuthi iCameron, iSenegal, iMali nabanye, bayafisa ukubona izinyembezi zamaFulentshi, ephuma enkundleni edabukisa, ngoba ehlulwe yibo.

    Emuva kokudla iFrance, AmaBhokobhoko ashaye amaNgisi – ephelezelwa ngabalandeli beFrance – aklewula aze akhala ngoRace izimu, njengoba i-flanker yawo, uTom Curry idideke yaze yasola i-hooker yethu, uBongi Mbonambi (osesithombeni namaNgisi adabukisayo) ngokuthi uyibize “nge-white ntashinga”. Kungenzeka-ke ukuthi amaNgisi adidwe yisibhaxu ngoba phela le nto athi uMbonambi uyishilo, mhlawumbe ubezikhulumela isiBhunu, ethi “Witkant” (white side), eqonde iqembu eligqoke okumhlophe. Wona-ke ngokuzitshela ukuthi azi adlula uGoogle, asethi uthe “white ntashinga”. 

    Okubi-ke wukuthi thina sikholwa ngokubona njengobizo wakhe umfo kaCurry, uThomas, manje njengoba kuthiwa kabukho ubufakazi bezwi eliqoshiwe, lapho uMbonambi emubiza khona ngentashinga emhlophe, hhayi amaNgisi mawaphuze amanzi ayolala, sibhizi thina silungiselela i-final neNew Zealand ngoMgqibelo. 

    Uyazi mina nje ngingedwa, kwezemidlalo, noma iMoroka Swallows yami ingashaywa ngo-35-0, kodwa ngalolo suku uma kuhlulwe amaNgisi ne-USA (kwezemidlalo) – kangikhathali noma kuthiwa bekudlalwa ushumpu noma u-arigogo – ngilala ngize ngiphuphe ngisezulwini uJesu kunguthisha wami weHistory, uShembe kungu-class teacher ofundisa isiZulu – ubab’ uMasango waseChinini, kungumphathi wama-prefect

    Phela amaNgisi ave ezenza ongqoshishilizi bomhlaba. Kumele nje ngabe o-India, China ngisho nabo oNew Zealand laba, bajabula namaBhokobhoko. Yiliphi nje izwe e-Afrika elake lahlula amaNgisi, aze akhala kwaduma iMount Everest? Phela amaNgisi azigcina ngezikhathi zobukoloni eyizikhondlakhondla kuyo yonke into, kawasaboni noma sesiphila esikhathini se-4IR ukuthi izinto zishintshile. 

    Ngiyazi kukhona abazothi vele amaNgisi siwahlule sigqishe ngabelungu, kulungile vele uma ufuna ukuhlula isitha esi-strong, ugadla ngomuntu wakubo. Angithi nomthakathi ubopha imbumbulu yombhulelo uma ethole insila yakho? Nenkantolo ukuze ibambe ugabhadiya wezigebengu, iphendula i-comrade lakhe ilenze ufakazi wenkantolo? Futhi-ke nithanda ningathandi, laba belungu esihlule ngabo amaNgisi, abaseNingizimu Afrika, akubona abase-England.

    Kangiwazondi amaNgisi, kwazise uShembe wangifundisa ukuthi ngingalali ngingaxolile, hhayi la maNazaretha anamhlanje umuntu abambe igqubu aze abe no-20kg womkhaba wamagqubu. Nokho lokhu akwenza kobabamkhulu ebaphendula abafana ezwe loyise, asikukhohliwe. Ukuwashaya ngamaBhokobhoko yiyona into enhle kakhulu – hhayi le nto yokuhubhana ngezikhali sengathi kasinangqondo – nawo ake ezwe nje ukuthi kunjani ukuphendulwa ibhece yizwe lase-Afrika. 

    Le ngosi iyi-satire bakwethu, ilungele bonke abantu, ikakhulukazi labo abasene-sense of humour.

    Hikhensile ngopfu ma-Afrika!

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