“Caca mzalwane phumel’ obala”

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    NGOSIBA LUKA-REV MKHEKHELEZI

    UNGQONGQOSHE wezokuThuthukiswa koMnotho KwaZulu-Natal, uSboniso Duma, ngimazi esayibhobhodleyana laphaya kwi-ANC Youth League (ANCYL), eyisekela likaMxolisi Kaunda owayehola lolu phiko lukaKhongolose kulesi sifundazwe. Ngangingazi-ke kodwa ukuthi umfo kaDuma uyogcina eduma njengesivimbaNomusa, iNomusablock – njengoba oqekethwayo besho. Ngizwile ukuthi i-ANC Women’s League (ANCWL) isimsola ngo-sexism, ngeke ngande kakhulu-ke ngalapho ngoba izinto ezino-sex phakathi kangithandi ukukhuluma ngazo.

    Phela le nto yokulokhu umfo kaDuma enguqham’thushu lapho kufanele kuvele khona udadewethu, uNkk Nomusa Dube-Ncube njengondunankulu, yiyo le eyenza ukuthi agcine eseduma kabi njengomakoti “oyisoka” endaweni. Kayinuki ingosiwe Mthombeni. Kuzokhumbuleka ukuthi – Ngongolozi owaphekwa netshe kwavuthwa lona kuqala – kwenzeka esifanayo ngesikhathi kubongelwa izingane eziphase kahle umatikuletsheni ngokuqala konyaka. 

    Abantu baze bakusola ngokulokhu ubonakala ezithombeni Mthombeni, bethi wenzisa okwepigogo eli-aware ukuthi yilona leli elizibona esibukweni. Mina bengizothi mfo kaNtenga, vele ungalokhu ugudla iguma kuhle kwentondolo, sithathe esikandunankulu ngoba bayakhuluma abantu, bathi uba yi-acting premier of KwaZulu-Natal ngisho ekhona siqu undunankulu wangempela, futhi engabikanga mkhuhlane. Uyazi ibe buhlungu inhliziyo yami ngibona udadewethu uNomusa esefana nesichuse sikaBotha eceleni kwe-lock yamaBhokobhoko, u-Eben “Elizabedi” Etzebeth noDuma abebebambisane iNdebe yoMhlaba enqotshwe ngamaBhokobhoko. 

    Lalela uRev Mkhekhelezi mfo kaDuma, thatha esobundunankulu noma uhlehle endleleni kaMuso, asihole. Lalela amakholwa uma ehlabelela ethi: “Caca mzalwane, phumel’ obala.” Nathi nje siyizakhamizi zakulesi sifundazwe sididekile manje ukuthi iqembu lenu, uKhongolose, lasibekela undunankulu omuhle njengoMaDube, kodwa siye sibone kwezinye izindawo uma kufanele avele ngokwesikhundla sakhe, sibone wena Mthombeni ugqanqula kuhle kukaBong’musa Mthembu eyoshaya intambo kwiComrades Marathon. Angisho ukuthi wena Mthombeni kawumuhle, obakho ubuhle siyokhuluma ngabo ngelinye ilanga, sesibone izinkomo zakho. Hhayi phela muhle usis’ Nomusa, uyoba muhle aze ahole impesheni, esedondolozela. Uyabona nje uma ngimbuka, ngivele ngikhumbule le ngoma yePoni-Tails, ethi “Born Too Late”. Phela nje nathi boRev Mkhekhelezi noma singenandaba kangako nalezi zinto zenu zopolitiki, kodwa nje ukuba nondunankulu oyipatshazi kanje, kwenza sibe nomdladla wokuvuka siyophanta, ubuhle bakhe buyakhuthaza. 

    Ngizwile nje umhlobo wami, uSipho “KK” Nkosi – engimazi esangunobhala weSadtu KwaZulu-Natal – ezama ukuyichaza le nto komunye umsakazo wesiNgisi manje ekuseni. Uvele wachaza ngangezwa nje, angazi noma ngixakwe yisiNgisi yini, phela akusona esasemaChunwini. 

    Uthi umfo kaNkosi, udadewethu ukule height yoLionel Messi, u-Elizabedi wumdondoshiya wesinzwa njengoGoliyathi waseBhayibhelini, manje-ke bebengeke bakwazi ukuyibamba bobabili indebe, kwase kuba ngumfo kaDuma ngoba naye usukile egadeni. Ungixolele mhlobo wami, nina niwuhulumeni waKwaZulu-Natal nikwazi ukwenza izinto ezinkulu kabi, nakhu nje nivinjwe senizoxhasa amaSAMA ngo-R20 something million, besenihlulwa wukuphuthuma ningene esuphamakethe laphaya eWorkshop nithenge lesi sihlalo sika-R89.99 nikhweze usis’ Nomusa, abambe indebe no-Elizabedi?

    Ikhensile ngopfu ma-Afrika!

    Le ngosi iyi-satire, ilungele bonke abantu, ikakhulukazi labo abasene-sense of humour, phela kuyahlekwa noma kufiwe.

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