NGOSIBA LUKA-REV MKHEKHELEZI
Warning: Le ngosi iyi-satire, kayibalungele abantu abayifunda begajwe yi-depression.
UMA ngibukela ngikude, kuhle kukaXolani umfo kaNxumalo, owayebhalela ILANGA Lempelasonto lisabizwa ngeLANGA LangeSonto, impilo kaMnu Jacob Zuma yezepolitiki kayihlukile nakancane kule nyoka eyinzwabethi yaseJapan, enamakhanda awu-8, okuthiwa yiYamata no Orochi. Phela le nyoka ungayinquma ikhanda, kusale awu-7, ibuye isibaba njengopelepele wezinyoni.
Uyinqume elinye, asale abe wu-6, iqhubeke ikugadulise kube ncane indawo. Ukuxoshwa kukaZuma kwiSanco – encinda ludengezini lunye ne-ANC – okumenyezelwe namhlanje, uRev Mkhekhelezi ukubona kufana nokuthulula ubhavu wonke wamanzi emhlane wedada, uze uthasisele ngaweshawa nakaJojo tank, kuzifanele nje. Sengihleba nje, iSanco kwakufanele ibone kusakhanya ukuthi uMsholozi akungoba ezimisele ngokuhlala kuyona, kuyena le nhlangano yayifana nesitobhi sebhasi lase-Eastern Cape, uGrim-boy, wash’ umama. Wayedlula, yize engeyena umfo kaMdluli. Iqinisile le nhlangano uma itshela abezindaba ukuthi uzixoshe yena uGedlo ngokungayihambeli imihlangano yayo – kwazise yona isimane iqhuba usiko nje uma ithi iyamxosha. Khona kubuhlungu ukuzitshela ukuthi ubambe ushaka, kanti udobo lwakho luntekenteke.
Umxosha kanjani u-cashier osevule ubhazabhaza we-mall, othi yena? Phela lowo muntu akasakuncengile, ngisho ungaze umxoshe live ku-403, ishaneli yezindaba ye-e.tv noma i-Al Jazeera eyesekwe nguHulumeni waseQatar, kufana nokuxosha uPatrice Motsepe kwiMamelodi Sundowns, wenze sengathi usukhohliwe ukuthi ungumnikazi we-African Rainbow Minerals. Hhayi, iNkos’ impela, oMsholozi bayazihlela izinto zabo thina silele siphupha izishaqane zemali esingeke sibe nazo.
Mina nje, ngoba ngineso likaMoy’ Ogcwele, ngangiyobona zisuka amadaka ukuthi uNxamalala akahleli, useladeni, uphikelele enkcochoyini (esicongweni) eyazibonelwa ngamaXhosa. Ningangishayi-ke maSanco amahle, kodwa nje uMsholozi lapho kinina, bekucaca ukuthi ufana noTshegofatso Mabasa ongumgadli we-Orlando Pirates, obebolekiswe kwiMoroka Swallows, obekuvele kulindelekile ukuthi mhla kwaqonda izinto zakhe, uyahamba.
Hikhensile ngopfu ma-Afrika!
