NGOSIBA LUKA-REV MKHEKHELEZI
NGIYANIKHUZA masoka amanyala, ukuba yisoka kulezi zinsuku kuyizindleko ezidida uSathane neqembu lakhe lamadimoni.
Njengoba ezika-25 – ngingasasho izintombi zamaNazaretha – bezihola ngoLwesithathu, enye insizwa iyangikhalela namhlanje ekuseni ithi isikhathele yisinqandamathe sayo, njalo nje uma iholile, ikhokha “isitolimende”. Ithi phela udadewethu lo, uyihlokoloza ngomakhalekhukhwini – wena call, SMS noWhatsApp – ecela amasentshana. Kwalawo masentshana aqala ku-R600, kuya ngokuthi umntaka baba lona unasiphi isizathu sokucela imali ngalowo mhla ka-25. Ibixoxa le nsizwa uyibona ukuthi ibhalwe usizi emehlweni njengoba ize yathi kwamholo wayo kawusaqedi ngisho nenyanga kwazise intokazi le ngisho naphakathi nenyanga, kuthi uma “e-claimer” (edinga ukuyibona) ifuna imali. Kuyacaca-ke ukuthi leyo mali yile nto abemishwalense abathi yi-access fee. Uma iya kuye, ifuna ukulandwa ngemoto noma imfune eyokuza, ecishe ibe ngangeyethikithi lebhanoyi elisuka eThekwini liya eCape Town, ukuze igibele u-Ubha isuka KwaMashu iya eMariannhill. Ngize ngasola ukuthi intombi yezwa kuthiwa eMariannhill akubugebengu kuyafiwa, manje kule mali yokugibela isifake neye-security.
Akugcini lapho, uthi ubafo – ngobuso obudabukisayo, obubhalwe ukuthi ubudlonye kakhulu ngayizolo – nakhona lapho, nguyena okhokhela ukudla abakudlayo, udadewethu uyaqhiphotheka nje elokhu emgabisela ngamazipho amade sengathi yimizwezwe weqhude elingumakadebona. Uwapendile, abomvu. Kwawona lawo mazipho agatshiselwa ngawo ubafo, imali yawo yaphuma kuyena.
Kuke kwathi mangimbuze ukuthi usahlaleleni kulowo New Mutual or uMiscovery, ngabuye ngathi fuza uDudu Mkhekhelezi, ukhethe ukuthula. Phela eyababili kayingenwa, ngoba ugcine usele ngaphandle, usubizwa ngexoki. Bazothi-ke abanye kufanele vele lo mfokazi akhokhe entombini ngoba naye uyawathola amabhenefithi. Kuphi khona, ngeke ungibone, kanti akanayise lowo muntu?
Uma uyise engasekho, umuntu makathathe igeja aye ensimini, ahlanganise imali ye-Ubha. Mina nje ngaphuma kudala kulowo mdlalo ngoba wayeseshilo umuntu waphezulu ukuthi maduze nje, isimo somnotho sizoxega njengodangara owu-XXL kulo mculi wombhaqanga okuthiwa nguGudlugu – ogqoka u-small. Phela kuyacaca ukuthi uma lo mfokazi ezimisele ngokuyilobola le ntombi, uyoyilobola ngemali ye-life cover, esesethuneni. Indoda nendoda mayilalelisise ingoma kaGregory Isaacs kule ndawana ethi: “If you want to be my no. 1
Let me know your future plans” okungatolikeka kanje: “Uma ufuna ukuba wubambo lwami, ngitshele ngezinhlelo zakho zekusasa.” Uyacabanga-ke usuphila noMiscovery impilo yakho yonke ube ungazazi izinhlelo zakhe zekusasa! Le nto yoMiscovery noNew Mutual ilimaza isithunzi sabesifazane abazikhandlayo, laba nje abanganqeni ukuthi umuntu ethi eyozibonela uRev Mkhekhelezi wakhe, asuke nje azigibelele ibhasi ngemali yakhe ayithole ngezithukuthuku zakhe. Phela othandweni kuyabanjiswana, kanti-ke uma kuqolwana, uyedwa okhokha kuze kukhononde iphakethe.
Le gosi bakwethu iyi-satire, ilungelebonke abantu, ikakhulukazi labo abasene-sense of humour, yithathe ngoshukela at your own risk.
Hikhensile ngopfu ma-Afrika!
