Osopolitiki ngomalal’ ephenduka njenge-penguin

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    NGOSIBA LUKA: REV MKHEKHELEZI

    UMNU Jacob Zuma yindoda ongeke ungakhulumi ngayo uma ungowaseNingizimu Afrika – kufana noNelson Mandela, uMangosuthu Buthelezi noJulius Malema – akukhathalekile ukuthi ukhuluma ngayo uyahalalisa noma uyademelayisa. Mangicacise nje ukuthi njengoba bengithule sonke lesi sikhathi ngale nto kaMsholozi yokuthi ulaxaze i-ANC, wukuthi umuntu onjengoZuma akufanele ukhulume ngaye usagcwele izintongo, uzohhema. Geza ubuso kuqala, usanguluke ubuthongo.

    Ngithi-ke masibonge komdala wezinsuku ukuthi uMsholozi akabanga ngumdlali webhola. Phela uNxamalala wayezojika izitha aze ajike nozakwabo, kube wubugingqigingqi njengamakholwa alaba befundisi abathwasa eNigeria. Phela sekucacile ukuthi uZuma unguJoel “Ace” Mnini wepolitiki yaseNingizimu Afrika. Ubaba omncane uBaba – u-Innocent elesikole – wayeke angixoxele ukuthi uMnini waya phesheya eyokwenza ama-trial, wajika ozakwabo ejimini wabashayanisa ngamakhanda, bagoduka namapopo, bakhala abelungu bathi: “Hhayi ndoda hamb’ uyobajika ngakini, uzosilimazela abadlali.”

    Angazi uMsholozi useyijike kangaki i-ANC. Futhi umandla ngoZibandlela (December), sezidonsela kuKhisimusi. Kuyacaca ukuthi kusukela ngo-2017, kuyamkitaza ukubona amaqabane kaTambo edla uKhisimusi enyukubele. Angithi kwakuwuDecember ka-2017 ngesikhathi evukela uKhongolose efusini kuhle kwesigelekeqe esivunyiwe endaweni, wamemezela ukuthi izitshudeni sezizofunda mahhala emanyuvesi. Fumbiyane uhulumeni kaMengameli Cyril Ramaphosa ngenyathi ebusweni. Angithi umemezela nje, akukho kwabhajethi yalowo musa wakhe womSamariya onesihawu. Nakhu eseyiphinda nge-tsamaya – ngawo belu uDecember – eyishiya eqoma intombi entsha endaweni, Umkhonto Wesizwe Party. Kasazi-ke mhlawumbe sekuyikho ukubuya kweNdodana yoMuntu, angithi phela wayepholofithile, wathi i-ANC iyobusa kuze kubuye ihwanqa likaMaliya.

    Kodwa-ke – mina ngizimele ngedwa – kangibethembi osopolitiki. Mangikusho nje kucace ukuthi ngeke ngimvotele uMsholozi. Ngithukeni phela. Ngizozivotela mina. Mangicacisele labo abadonsa ngembongolo abanye bedonsa ngo-crane, mina ngizovotela iqembu engicabanga ukuthi lizongisebenzela, ngeke ngivotele isiququmadevu sendoda nomphuphe weqembu eliphethwe nguzwilakhe owazi ukuthi ukuba sesikhundleni sepolitiki yi-voucher yempuphu. Futhi uma kuwukuthi kalikho engilethembayo, kanginqeni ukuzihlalela exhokovaneni lakithi, ngifobele uphuthu lwakithi. Uma kuwukuthi ngethemba lona Iklwa likaNxamalala, ngiyovotela lona, hhayi yena. Ngeshwa-ke mina kangiyisheli intombi efikayo endaweni, lutho! Ngisho ingaze ishaye nge-smile sika-Angelina Jolie, wuhleko lukaNomzamo Mbatha, izinqe zikaNicki Minaj, amehlo kaHope Mbhele – uNomafu kaZamcolo laphaya kuMkhokha: The Curse – ne-complection kaZikhona Bali, ngiyiyekela othathekile. Ngingaze ngishele umthakathi waseNigeria obalekele ukujojwa kwelakubo! Ayezwa amasoka, kuduma upotiyane ezishimaneni.

    Abantu-ke bebelokhu bengibuza bethi: “Kuthini ukuphawula kwakho Rev Mkhekhelezi ngesenzo sikaMsholozi – i-sniper esigogode kwi-political chess – sokulanxaza i-ANC ejoyina Umkhonto Wesizwe Party?” Angithi bafuna ngithi igcagcele esokeni bese bengibiza ngeDA noma ngeNkatha. Hheyi, eyomndeni kayingenwa, futhi-ke osopolitiki ngomalal’ ephenduka njenge-penguin idlala eqhweni lase-Antarctica. Nizothi uMsholozi ushiye uKhongolose, nithi nisabala amavoti ngonyaka ozayo, nizwe kuthiwa umkhonto wakhe umunyunga eye-coalition ne-ANC, kwehle iziqhomo. Hha! Osopolitiki! Uma bengadlala ukushintsha amabala, unwabu bangalubhudluza ngo-52-10, i-score se-rugby.

    Ngizwe kancane uNobhala we-ANC KwaZulu-Natal, uBheki Mtolo ekhala ubumayemaye – kuhle kwe-ambulance iphuthuma isiguli esi-important – ethi bebemeseka uZuma ngesikhathi ebhekene namacala, kodwa “hhawu Nxamzo, ususenza kanje! Nguwe lo osilaxaza kanje, kuhle kuka-driver we-Uber edalakaxa intokazi efuna ukukhokha ngesibaya sikayise!” Ukukhala akusizi mfo kaMtolo, buza imbuzi.

    Kodwa hhayi, sengihleba nje, ningabe-ke seningithutha njalo – kwazi bani, ngelinye ilanga ngingabona uDudu Zuma-Sambudla njengembali yokuhlobisa igceke likababa, beseziyima emthumeni sengikhunjuzwa inhlebo yami – yena usekhulile bakithi uNxamzo, nisho ukuthi useyophumula kwaJesu? Uzozwa-ke ontabakayikhonjwa sebephawula ngesihloko, besho yonke inhlamba abebeyifukamele, belindele ukujikijela ngayo uRamaphosa uma i-ANC isiwine ukhetho ngo-51%.

    Hikhensile ngopfu ma-Afrika!

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