Senikwenzile okuningi maNazaretha, sekushoda imbijana

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    NGOSIBA LUKA-REV MKHEKHELEZI

    NAMUHLA ngithi ake ngikhulume namalungu aleli bandla engilihloniphayo futhi engilikhonzile, ibandla lamaNazaretha kaMudliwamafa Mloyiswa Isaiah Shembe, uMbombela isitimela sama kwaBotha – hhayi le yenu kaBhombela isitimela samaMpondo, sengathi nanixoxelwa ngumlungu ngoShembe. Ngiyawahlonipha futhi ngiyawathanda namanye abandla, wukuthi nje namhlanje ngikhuluma ngamaNazaretha. Phela mina nenhlonipho siyinyama nomphefumulo, ngihlonipha ngisho okusaMkhekhelezanyana nje okuzenza uBenjamin Banneker, u-Albert Einstein noSrinivasa Ramanujan behlangene. Senikwenzile okuningi maNazaretha, sekushoda imbijana.

    • Sinibonile nihubhana ngezikhwili emigwaqweni yeTheku ngenxa yokuphambana kwemibono – omunye uzothi “olwethu uhlangothi lwalungekho lapho”, kanti umuntu owayebukela wabona amaNazaretha, le nto nawe oyiyona, hhayi uhlangothi;
    • Sinibonile nibahle kumhlophe imigwaqo nibheke eNtabeni iNhlangakazi naseKhenana ngokwehlukana;
    • Sinizwile nikhala ngemali yezipikha;
    • Sinibonile nikhombisa abalandeli beqembu – elithandwa ngumfana wami – uSuthu ukuthi igcwaliswa kanjani iMoses Mabhida Stadium. Kambe vele nina yini ningavele nibe ngabalandeli abasemthethweni boSuthu noma-ke iGolden Arrows?
    • Sinizwile nimemeza nithi: “Uwe wedwa Nyazilwezulu!” Khonamanjalo, nakhuzana nodwa: “Hheyi, awuthule wena! Sharabhu!”
    • Sinibonile nigijimisana ezinkantolo, badla abameli kwaze kwakhuluphala ngisho amakati abo, aphenduka ama-vegetarian, ingani nakhu amagundane aseyazichanasela nje endlini.
    • Sinibonile nihluleka wukuphikisana ngendlela enobukholwa ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, nichaphana ngenhlamba, ngenxa nje yokuthi nihlukene “ngezinhlangothi”. Nahlekisa ngomsebenzi weNdlamhlathi kaMayekisa!

    Angazi-ke ukuthi umsunguli wale nto enhle kangaka uzizwa kanjani lapho ekhona ngoba phela izenzo zenu ziyalihleba ibandla. Phela yinhle le nto, ngumuntu onomona kuphela nje ongaphika. Niyabona kodwa ukuthi seningayibhala incwadi ethi: “How to Keep a Man’s House Fragmented”? Izingane zakwaShembe zimaqembuqembu nje, yini maNazaletha, ngiphikiseni phela.

    • Senikwenzile okuningi, ake manje nibe moyamunye, akuthi uma amaNazaletha ebonana – kungakhathalekile ukuthi awaseBuhleni, eKuphakameni, eGinyezinye noma eThembezinhle – kubonane umfowabo nomfowabo, udadewabo nodadewabo. Ngiyazi kuyenzeka kwezinye izindawo, kodwa akuvamile. Kuthi nje owaseThembezinhle eshayelwe yisikhathi sokukhonza engasethempelini laseBuhleni, eKuphakameni noma eGinyezinye, angene adumise nabadumisayo, angalokhu ekluluzwa ngamehlo anameva omthungulu;
    • Ake nisungule izitolo zamaNazaretha – hhayi izicagogwana zama-tuckshop – nani nje kenizwe ukuthi kumnandi kanjani ukuziqhenya njengesinye isizwe esivala izitolo kugcwele abantu, sihambe siyothandaza. Zivalwe nje izitolo ngeSabatha noma ngabe kuthiwa zidayisa umoya ongcwele ngamanani aphansi. Abantu bazowulinda ngoba bayawudinga;
    • Ake kube nezikole nenyuvesi nje eyodwa yamaNazaretha, iphele le nto yokulokhu sizwa izikhalo zokuthi izingane zenu zishenyulwe izihluthu ezikoleni.
    • Yakhani ubhazabhaza wesigcinamagugu sobuNazaretha;
    • Siphi isibhedlela samaNazaretha?
    • Uyazi nina kufanele ngabe ninawo ngisho ubhazabhaza womkhumbi othutha impahla – ongangendlu kaShauwn “MaMkhize” Mkhize – nendiza ethi nina. Kuvimbephi ngempela?

    Ngeke-ke kodwa kube lula ukwenza lezi zinto children of Mbombela uma nisadonsisa okwezinkabi ezingamaklume egejeni, enye idonsa ibheke enyakatho, enye nansiya ibheke eningizimu. Ninawo amandla, kuyanikelwa phela kuleli bandla, akudlalwa. Indoda kayinqeni ukukhipha umnikelo ongangelobolo lendodakazi yenduna, 16 wonke wezinkomo – ngokukaTheophilus “Somtsewu” Shepstone. Ngisho osopolitiki uma sebefuna ivoti ubabona bekhekhezela belandelana, sengathi nguPillay noNaidoo beyodoba. Basuke bengavathazeli nje, basuke bephethe umbondo ngama-briefcase amnyama. Ake niyidlele amathambo engqondo le ndaba maNazaretha, niphethe igolide ngezandla nina. Uma sekulungile-ke seniyongibonga nje ngebheshu nehawu. Uzozwa-ke o-Idi Amini, Adolf Hilter noLeopold II – asebadlula ngenhlamba – sebengithuka bethi mangiphume ezindabeni zamaNazaretha nobubi sengathi ngasinda engozini yebhara. Ngizozingena ngisho inhlamba leyo seniyithwele ngo-5250 litre kaJojo tank. INkosi inibusise.

    Hikhensile ngopfu ma-Afrika!

    Le ngosi iyi-satire, ilungele bonke abantu, ikakhulukazi labo abasenale nto okuthiwa yi-sense of humour futhi abakwazi ukucabanga outside the box.

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