DKT THABILE MTHEMBU
Ingabe wena nowakwakho ningomaqondana ngisho sekuya ezidingweni zocansi? Siyazi ukuthi bakhona abangazizwa ngendlela efanayo masekuza kwezocansi ezithandanini. Lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi i-sexual desire mismatch. Kafuphi nje singakuchaza ngokuthi omunye wezithandani unelukuluku elikhulu bese kuthi ko munye lehlile.
Ake siqale ngokukhuluma ngezindlela ezimbili zokuhala, eyokuqala i-spontaneous desire: Lokhu kusho ukuthi uhaliswa ukubuka nje, ikakhulukazi abantu abasanda kuthandana bazizwa ngale ndlela. Lapho bebonana bafisa ukuthintana nokwenza okwengeziwe. Kabakwazi ukuhlala bangathintani. Kufana nalokhu esijwayele ukukubona komabonakude, lapho abantu behlala bephuthumana khona.
Inhlobo yesibili i-responsive desire, lokhu kwenzeka lapho uhlala nomuntu isikhathi eside, lapho usumjwayela ukumthinta noma ukubambana kwenze ukuthi ugcine usunesifiso socansi naye.
Lezi zinhlobo zombili zivamile ukwenzeka zombili ngokushintshana, siyazi ukuthi uthando olusha lwenza ube nesifiso sokuthinta nokuqabula njalo. Kodwa lapho senijwayelene, kuya ngokwehla nizibona nesinikwi-responsive desire. Ikakhulukazi masenibe ndawonye isikhathi eside, ungazizwa kanjalo.
Lokhu kungenziwa:
-wushintsho kwezempilo
-ukuba matasa emsebenzini,
-ukugula,
-ukushintsha kwama-hormones
Ingabe niyaqonda ukuthi le nkinga ijwayeleke kangakanani? Kuthiwa amaphesenti awu- 80 ezithandani banale nkinga. Kuba yinkinga kuphela uma kukulimaza kakhulu. Ngokudabukisayo abanye kuyabalimaza ngempela.
Yini oyidingaya ukuze ube nesifiso socansi?
-Ukuhala
-Ukulungiseleka kwesitho sangasese, okungaba ukuqina kwenduku noma ukuba manzi kowesifazane
-Ukulungiselela komqomndo
-Ukudinga konke lokhu ukuze uhale.
Yini ongayenza ?
Kubalulekile ukuthi uvakashele udokotela ukuze uhlole ukuthi awunazo yini izifo ezithile ezikwenza ube nenhliziyo evalekile noma evulekile kwinkonzo yasekamelweni.
Kukhona okuthile eningakuzama lapho senibona ukuthi nibhekene nale nkinga:
1.Thola ulwazi, abaningi lapho sebethola ukuthi le nkinga yejwayelekile kwehla ukusaba. Ikakhulukazi masenibe ndawonye isikhathi eside, futhi izinsuku zakhona kazefani. Khumbula futhi ukuthi wonke umuntu kuyenzeka abe nocansi olungathokozisi ezikhathini ezithile empilweni yakhe. Lokhu kuvamile ikakhulukazi kubantu asebethandane isikhathi eside. Khumbulami nokuthi akekho noyedwa kini oyinkinga, kodwa inkinga isebudlelwaneni. Ngokudabukisayo lona onenhliziyo evalekile uyena ojwayele ukuthi abukwe njengonenkinga. Lo onenhliziyo evulekile noma onelukuluku elikhulu abukwe njengokuwuyena ophilayo. Susani lo mbono emqondweni ngoba awulona neze iqiniso. Khumbula ukuthi sithe le nto ibizwa nge-mismatch hhayi ukuthi kukhona onephutha.
- Xoxisanani ukuze nibone ukuthi yini enilimaza kakhulu ngale nkinga, ingabe ucansi uqobo noma indlela omunye azizwa ngayo ngenxa yale nkinga?
Okubaluleke nakakhulu wukuthi luhle kanjani ucansi enilwenzayo hhayi ukuthi nilwenza kangaki ucansi. Ucansi olungenziwa njalo kodwa oluvuthayo lubaluleke kunokwenza ucansi kaningi kodwa sekugcinwa icala nje. - Luyini ucansi kunina? Kungabe lumayelana nokusebenzisa izitho zangasese noma ukudlala ngezinye izindlela noma ngezinsiza (amathoyizi). Lokhu kubalulekile ukuxoxisana ngakho. Kubalulekile nokubuka yona inkinga uqobo, ukuba nokulangazelelana okungefani. Ngokudabukisayo siyazi ukuthi abesifazane abaningi babhekana nezinkinga ezithile uma kuza ekufikeni kuvuthondaba. Qonda ukuthi ucansi lubaluleke kangakanani kumuntu wakho. Kuyishwa ukuthi izithandani kaziyisukumeli le nkinga yasekamelweni yokungahaleli ukuzijabulisa, iningi likuthola kunzima ukuxoxisana ngezocansi. Ngoba phela sikhule kuyinto ewumkhuba omubi, asikaze sifundiswe ukuba nalezi zinkulumo. Kodwa sesibonga ukuthi nina bafundi abathandekayo seniyakuqonda ukubaluleka kokuxoxisana ngenkonzo yasekamelweni. Khumbula ngisho ningakhuluma kangakanani uma wena ungawuqondi umzimba wakho, lokhu ngeke kukusize kangako.
- Zamani okusha, vakashisani izingane kwagogo, thathani amaholidi. Yenzani okuthile okungaletha ushintsho oluhle enkonzweni yenu.
Bhala phansi izinto obona ukuthi zingakujabulisa noma zingavusa injabulo ekamelweni, nihlale phansi nixoxisane ngazo. - Zamani nokwandisa ukuthintana ningenayo inhloso yokuya enkonzweni yasekamelweni. Lokhu ave kusiza ukubuyisa inhlansi kwabathandanayo, yibani nesikhathi senu nodwa.
Khumbula ukuthi ningalwenza phela nocansi ngezinye izikhathi ngisho ungahali, ukuze ujabulise owakwakho. Uma ungafisi yiba nendlela enesizotha yokuthi cha. Ngoba ukunqaba kabi kungalimaza lo omunye .
Ziningi izizathu ezenza abantu bafune ukuzithokozisa ngocansi, kwezinye zazo:
-abanye basuke befuna ukusondelana
-abanye babuka le nkonzo njengeyitoho.
-ukwehlisa istress noma ingcindezi
-abanye basuke befuna ukubotozana kuphela, kodwa lo omunye afune ukuthi njalo ukubotozana kuphethele ocansini
Khumbulani ukuthi ezocansi ziyingxenye yezempilo, kumele sizinakekele nazo.
